Imagine you've finished a team meeting and ask, “Any feedback for me?”
A few people smile. Someone says it was good. You move on, slightly reassured.
Perhaps the meeting was useful. Perhaps people haven't had time to think. Perhaps they have something to say and don't want to say it in front of everyone.
Silence doesn't tell you which explanation is right.
If you want useful feedback on your leadership, make the question easier to answer. Choose a behaviour people have actually seen, give them a reasonable way to respond, and show what you do with the answer. You don't need to ask your team to assess your entire personality at the end of a meeting.
Notice what you're asking someone to risk
“Be honest with me” sounds straightforward when you're the person saying it. It can feel less straightforward when the person asking also decides priorities, allocates work or reviews your performance.
Amy Edmondson's research describes team psychological safety in terms of shared beliefs about interpersonal risk. In a study of 51 work teams in one company, psychological safety was associated with learning behaviour. It wasn't a test of a particular feedback question, and it doesn't mean one reassuring sentence makes a conversation safe. Read the original study.
The practical point is to consider the other person's position. What have they seen happen when someone disagrees with you? Do you ask for feedback and then explain why every example is wrong? Do you listen, but leave people guessing about what happened next?
Those are useful questions to ask yourself before asking someone else to be more candid. If you want the broader context, this article on why leaders can be the last to see a problem explores leadership blind spots. Here, let's focus on the conversation itself.
Ask about one behaviour, in one situation
Broad questions create a lot of work for the person answering.
“How am I doing as a leader?” asks them to decide what matters, choose an example and judge how much honesty the situation can hold. A more specific question gives them somewhere to start.
For example:
- “When I explained the new priority this morning, what was still unclear?”
- “In our project updates, when do my questions help you think, and when do they interrupt your explanation?”
- “What's one thing I could do differently in our one-to-ones to make them more useful?”
These are suggested prompts, not a validated questionnaire. Adapt them to something the person has actually experienced. Don't ask someone to comment on a meeting they missed or guess what their colleagues think.
Keep the question open enough for an answer you didn't expect. “I gave everyone enough time today, didn't I?” makes agreement very easy. “Where did I move the discussion on too quickly?” gives someone a more concrete issue to consider, although they should still be free to say they didn't notice one.
Offer time and a workable channel
You can make an invitation without demanding an immediate response.
Try: “I'm looking at how I run these meetings. If there's something I could change to make them more useful, I'd appreciate an example. You don't need to answer now. We can talk in our next one-to-one, or you can send me a note.”
Only offer routes you will actually check. Don't describe a response as anonymous if a small group, a distinctive example or the system itself could identify the person. If your organisation has an established feedback process, understand its limits before promising confidentiality.
A private conversation may suit one person. Time to write may suit another. Neither automatically removes the power difference. The point is to avoid treating public, instant criticism as the price of being heard.
For serious concerns involving misconduct, safety or formal complaints, use the organisation's appropriate reporting and support processes. An informal request for feedback shouldn't replace them.
Understand the example before explaining your intention
Suppose a colleague says, “You sometimes answer your own question before I've had time to think.”
You might immediately think: *I'm only trying to keep the meeting moving.*
That may be true. It doesn't yet tell you what happened from their side.
A useful next question is, “Can you think of a recent moment when I did that?” Then check your understanding: “So when I offered my answer straight away, you thought I'd already decided?”
This hypothetical exchange isn't an instruction to agree with every interpretation. It gives you a chance to understand the observation before debating it.
You can ask for detail without turning the conversation into a cross-examination. If you need time, say so. “I want to think about that properly” is a reasonable response when you follow it with a return to the issue.
Thank the person for the example. They shouldn't have to reassure you that you're still a good leader before the conversation can continue.
Explain what you'll try, and what you won't change
Research by James Detert and Ethan Burris found an association between employees' perceptions of managerial openness and improvement-oriented speaking up. Their field study also examined psychological safety as part of that relationship. It used observational and perceptual evidence in a restaurant-chain setting, so it doesn't prove that a particular listening technique causes people to speak up in every workplace. Read the study.
The authors' practical discussion emphasises listening without defensiveness and explaining action or inaction. For a manager, that points towards a straightforward habit: don't leave the feedback hanging.
In the hypothetical meeting example, you might say:
“I've noticed I sometimes fill the silence after asking a question. In the next project update, I'll leave more time before offering my view. Afterwards, I'll check whether that helped.”
You might also decide that part of the feedback can't be acted on. Explain the constraint rather than pretending to agree. “We still need a decision by Friday, but I can send the question earlier so you have time to prepare.”
Commit to something within your control. Asking for feedback doesn't mean promising every requested change.
Check the change without fishing for praise
After trying a different approach, return to the original behaviour.
“Was there more room to explain your thinking today?” is more useful than “Was I better?” You could also ask, “What still got in the way?”
Don't turn that check into another demand for a positive verdict. A useful answer may be that the change helped a little, didn't help, or exposed a different problem. That gives you something more specific to work with.
Start small. Choose one recurring situation where your behaviour affects someone else's ability to do their work. Ask a clear question, listen to an example and agree a practical next step.
The invitation matters. So does what happens after someone takes you up on it.
Put the conversation into practice
If your leaders need space to question assumptions and practise more useful everyday conversations, explore the Leadership Mindset Workshop. Share the situations your team is finding difficult so we can discuss whether the format fits.